Japan Jitters

Thursday March 26, 2009
Anyday where I don’t shoot myself in the head is a victory. It gets to the point that no matter how many times you try to find answers with horoscopes, i-ching, Buddah, the Good Book or space crystals, it all boils down to you being alone. It boils down to you having to make decisions for yourself. No help from a guardian angel and no fucking life-line you can call when $250,000 is on the line. Nope, it’s just you.

Realizing this comes at a cost (sometimes more to others). I remember looking at bible thumping folks. You know, the ones that have this glaze over their eyes, like they’re in their own little world oblivious to rapes, murders, killings and porn. I pitied them, but seeming that I’m the depressed fucking wreck I guess the joke’s on me.

I don’t know if I’m writing a movie script, journal, suicide letter or a memoire. At the end of the day it could all be considered a self-loathing guide for people searching for sympathy. But in reality I don’t think that. I’m not searching for sympathy, or a free ride, I just want a fucking chance. I just want to proper situation to appear where I can show whom ever I need to show what I can do in my respected fields.

I heard somewhere that Sade only writes when she’s extremely depressed. It’s weird because I love her music, I’m impatient and want her to hurry up and put something out. But am I at the same time wishing heartache and pain for her so I can have more tunes for my iPod?

I used to convince myself that the work was the most important thing. I still believe that to a certain degree, family of course takes the lead. But I’ve always lived a writer’s/poet’s fate; Jocks don’t have to write sonnets to get pussy, ‘cause they were jocks. We were the dorks with bad vision and a knack for words so that was our weapon. Believing that people will only give a shit about me if I a) do something magnificent (i.e. cure cancer or something) or b) withstand a large amount of noble suffering (like being in a wheelchair after saving a child from a burning fire and logs collapse on me).

And with these type of skewed sentiments I create. My music tends to either be highly politically charged (as in my purpose is this ‘movement’) or complaining about being broke while that undeserving fuck isn’t.

As I prepare for my trip to Japan, self-doubt has a way of flirting with me. When the plane ticket costs two months worth of my rent, I need to be sure about what I’m doing. Am I sure? Well, maybe not. But fuck it.

At the end of the day, even the sun goes down. Heroes eventually die. Horoscopes often lie. Take it EZ. -pj

Audio Treats Inspirations Mixtape

my folks in germany, audio treats have a dope mixtape of your favorite joints. peep it out. and frank get me over there soon! download it HERE.

Preach on MTV/Can yall do me a favor? & more

mtv has this thing where they're reaching out for indy artists to play their music on shows. so they have these pages where we put our music up and have people vote for em. more votes, the more visible it becomes and helps get my shit on the channel.

it would be appreciated. you may have to register your email, but i'll owe ya a twinkie or something. thanks in advance.

peep it: http://soundtrack.mtv.com/preachjacobs

also we re-upped the welcome to blutopia link. enjoy.